There is a lot of chatter out there about the importance of positive thinking. In theory, it’s great to imagine having only positive thoughts. In reality, you won’t always be positive in every situation. You will experience negative thoughts and emotions at some point. That is human nature.
Toxic Positivity
If you deny or minimize the negative feelings and experiences of yourself or others, you can unintentionally invalidate them. This can cause damage because you are focusing too intensely on positive thinking, and emotions need to be validated, felt, and processed.
The Protective Power of Negativity
Negativity is built into the language we learn from the time that we begin to move independently. We learn through our lives that negative language is protective. When our parents say words like, “No!” or “Stop” to us as children, they are trying to protect us so that we can survive to adulthood.
Fighting Biology
We cannot discount the role that our biology plays in negative thinking. As humans evolved, traits that allowed us to be attentive to threats and potential danger were naturally selected. The reason, is that in terms of the survival of the fittest, these traits were likely adaptive for us. Being attentive to potential danger and remembering past negative events, gave us an advantage that helped our species evolve.
History Repeating
It is easier to recall a single traumatic event out of mostly positive memories. The part of our brain that wants to protect us, keeps the memories of situations that have led to physical or emotional pain in the forefront of our minds. This protective part of our brain makes us believe we need to fear history repeating itself.
When we say negative things to ourselves or others, our subconscious goal is actually to protect ourselves. When we think of all the potential negative situations that could occur, and when we engage in catastrophizing, we are attempting to predict the future, and thereby avoid experiencing a similar negative situation again.
Words Have Power
Negative words elicit responses in our brains that are consistent with survival instincts. One study found that pain-associated words alone are capable of activating our pain response. The parts of the brain responsible for the fight or flight response react to negative words, such as death, illness, and poverty as though they are real threats. Our negative thinking essentially weaponizes us against ourselves. It creates a tense and fearful state in our bodies and minds. Stress hormones like cortisol are released in response to a perceived threat, acting as the brains built-in alarm system.
Over time, high levels of stress hormones are damaging to our physical and mental health, including contributing to increased heart disease, anxiety, and depression. The truth is that in modern society, hypervigilance is no longer advantageous for our survival. Focusing on the negative, obsessing about potentially bad things happening, or just generally being more aware of the negative in our lives rather than the positive, is detrimental to our survival.
Neutralizing Negativity
Recognizing that negativity was adaptive for our species is the first step in neutralizing negativity and rethinking our beliefs about positive thinking. Energy can’t be created or destroyed, but it can be transformed. Our words and thoughts are the energetic expression of our mind and can be neutralized.
I once worked with a nutritionist who recommended adding healthy food before eliminating unhealthy food, because adding something was an easier mindset to achieve. When we think about removing something that we want, we automatically focus on the lack of it. If we are focused on adding healthy food, we are not thinking about the unhealthy foods slowly getting crowded out.
The same is true for our thoughts. Noticing where your thoughts are taking you is a powerful tool of transformation, but it’s important to take a neutral, non-judgmental stance with yourself. If you focus on trying to stop thinking a negative thought, you are actually brining more attention and negative judgement to the fact that you are thinking it.
Moving Forward
So, how should you begin to transform your mindset?
Rather than focusing on positive thinking, start by acknowledging your negative thinking. Fighting against it or denying it makes it more polarized; more powerful. Then search for the good in the situation. Most of the time you will be able to find an aspect of the situation to be grateful for. For example, I left a job because my shoulder was injured, but leaving that job provided the time and energy for me to fully step into my role as a life coach and spend more time with my kids.
Once you’ve identified something positive, allow the negative and positive aspects to mingle. Allow them to exist in the same space in your mind, and they will neutralize each other. Imagine them balancing each other like the yin and yang symbol. No situation is entirely negative, or completely positive. The idea isn’t to replace negativity with positivity, it’s to give the negativity less power by splitting the focus of your energy and attention. Training your mindset in this way will help increase your resilience, and recover more quickly from the adversity that you experience.
Schedule a session with me if you want to transform your life!
Photo credit: Joanne Delabruere
